When you have biological or adoptive children, considering foster care means the entire household becomes a foster family! Welcoming foster children into your home can be meaningful and beneficial for everyone involved. But it also requires sensitivity and open communication from every family member.

Since more than half of foster parents also have biological children, these families must prioritize harmony in the home to decrease the likelihood of placement disruption. How can you foster alongside your children and ensure everyone’s needs are met? Explore some expert strategies to set the stage for success in foster care alongside your children.

Benefits of Stable Family Placements for Foster Children

Ultimately, the goal of foster care is reunification. On any given day, nearly 428,000 children are in the U.S. foster care system, with more than 14,000 in Missouri. Through no fault of their own, many of these children have experienced abuse, neglect or other family challenges and have been removed from their homes by the courts for their safety.

Relatives, non-related kin and foster families provide care and support for these children while they are in out-of-home care. Foster care is designed to provide children with safety and stability. Children in foster care have often experienced trauma and difficult circumstances, and they need a nurturing, loving environment to care for them. Research indicates that other children in the home is a key factor in placement stability. Joining a blended family provides foster children with peers and role models, helping them build healthy relationships. These relationships can grow into lasting friendships even beyond a placement. But the way other children treat a child in foster care has a direct impact on placement stability.

Rimy Morris, alumnus of foster care, said in an Annie E. Casey Foundation report, “Kids in the house can make or break placements. I’ve been in homes with some who were super amazing and caring and loved me and I’ve been in placements where I’ve been treated poorly.”

How to Talk to Your Children About Foster Care

If you are considering becoming a foster home, you should always include your children in the conversation. Becoming a foster family will impact them, so they should have a chance to ask questions, voice concerns and share ideas.

Here are some guidelines for approaching the topic in a healthy, open way with your children:

• Use age-appropriate language, and start with what they know. An older child may understand what foster care is, but younger children may be unaware. Start by asking questions to gauge their comprehension of foster care (for example, “Have you ever met a child who is in foster care before?”). For younger children, you might say something like, “Their mom and dad are doing some classes so they can take good care of them, and they will live with us for a little while until they are done.”
• Explain how this will change their home life. Especially if they’re an only child, it’s important to discuss how having more children in the home will impact their daily lives. Make space for them to share openly, and take time to address their concerns. 
• Assure your children that they are safe and loved. It’s common, especially for younger children, to feel anxious about someone new coming into the home. Let them know they will always be safe and loved, no matter who enters your home.
• Involve your children in the decision-making process. Talk about different foster care options, such as respite care. Let your children be part of the decision to foster so they can feel like partners with you in becoming a foster family.
• Talk about differences and diverse experiences. Explain that some children coming to stay with you may have had very different experiences or be used to different rules. Talk about ways you and your children can support each other and the children coming into your home. You can also teach your child to take it slow. Children can be very excited about having someone new in the home. The enthusiasm, while well-meaning, can sometimes be overwhelming for a child in foster care. Help your child know that it can take time for them to feel comfortable.
• Discuss possible challenges. Talk to your children about what to expect in a foster care placement. This may include behaviors, routine changes or simply getting used to an additional person in the home.

Talking About Reunification

One of the most challenging aspects of foster care for children permanently placed in a home is reunification. It is common for children to bond with their children in your care and struggle to handle saying goodbye. Right from the start, explain to your children that the ultimate goal of foster care is reunification.

In 2022, 46% of youth exiting foster care were reunited with their biological family, making this the most likely outcome in most foster placements.

Explain to your children that it may be hard to say goodbye, and discuss ways to help support one another as you grieve the end of a placement.

How to Create Harmony in a Foster Family

If your family decides to pursue foster care, the next step is to create a harmonious environment that allows everyone involved to feel included, loved and heard. Explore some tips for creating harmony in your blended family.

Prioritize Open Communication

Communication is vital for any family, and even more so when the family includes children of both permanent and temporary placement in the home. Help every child in your home understand that they can come to you with concerns or struggles, reminding them that you’re all on the same team and need to work together.

Your biological children need to feel like they can talk to you if they’re having a difficult time dealing with a foster care placement situation. Your children should feel comfortable expressing frustrations, even if it’s just to vent when certain behaviors or differences are challenging.

Establish Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Help your children to develop healthy boundaries as well. For instance, young children may have certain toys or special items they don’t want to share. Allowing them to have their own space and belongings that are theirs alone can help them feel more secure and comfortable with the idea of foster care.

Educate your children on respectful boundaries, explaining that some foster children may not be comfortable with typical touch or interactions.

Build Individual Connections

Maintain healthy one-on-one relationships with each child in your home, whether they are biological, foster or adopted! Because some children in foster care may have very high needs, it can be easy to focus on them so much that your biological children feel less seen. This is where open communication can help, so your children know they can come to you if they feel this way. Scheduling one-on-one time can be another good way to have regular check-ins and make sure everyone in the household feels loved and supported.

Celebrate Similarities and Differences

Finding common ground with a new child joining your family can be a great way to get past the awkwardness and start building relationships. Your children can share some of their interests and find out if the child in your care has similar interests.

On the flip side, there will be a lot of differences and these should be celebrated too! Encourage children entering your home to share their favorite traditions or interests and find ways to integrate their culture into your home. This will create a fun opportunity for your biological children to encounter diverse perspectives and traditions as well.

Use Respite Care

Foster families have access to respite care for a reason! Foster care can be very taxing, and at times everyone needs a break for a little while. Rather than putting the expectation on your older children to babysit, use respite care when you need a night out. Odds are, if you’re feeling fatigued then your children are too!

Become a Foster Family with KVC Missouri!

If you’ve started the conversation with your family and are ready to learn more, contact us at KVC Missouri to learn how you can become a foster home! We also need more respite care homes, which could be a great opportunity for your family to try foster care in a less long-term way. Families who provide foster care leave a lasting, meaningful impact on those they serve, and KVC is here to support you. Get in touch today.