After finishing the process of becoming a licensed foster parent, preparing to welcome that first child can be exciting and nerve-wracking. Trent and Mindy Willhite already had four biological children when they decided to open their home to children in foster care. When they welcomed Scarlett into their care, they knew from the moment Scarlett came to them that the goal would be reunification. But what they never expected was the life-long bonds they would form both with Scarlett and her biological mother.

Becoming Foster Parents

The Willhites were familiar with foster care and always knew it was something they wanted to do. “We think it’s important that we serve other people,” says Trent. “It’s part of why we were created and it’s a gift.” The family moved into a larger house with three acres of land, two horses and a dog. In their new home, they knew the time was right to become new foster parents.

The first step for Trent and Mindy was to discuss with their children what being a foster family would look like. They talked through the changes that would need to happen in the home. “Deciding to become a foster family was really a family decision,” explains Mindy. “We felt it was important that our children were on board because this was going to impact their lives greatly as well, and we didn’t want to ignore that impact on them.”

Mindy and Trent gave their children a lot of space to be honest and vulnerable about how they felt. Mindy recalls times when one or more of her biological children would become frustrated or overwhelmed. Sometimes the kids wished things could go back to the simplicity of their family of six. But because they were honest and supportive of each other, they were able to work through it every time and grow stronger as a family.

The Willhite Family

Meeting Scarlett

When they received the call that Scarlett needed a foster home, the Willhites were both excited and nervous. It felt a bit scary becoming foster parents and not knowing how their family would change.

The moment the case worker arrived with Scarlett in her arms, Mindy could tell she was frightened. But Mindy and Scarlett bonded right away. Scarlett spent the first few hours of her time in the Willhite’s home just sitting in Mindy’s lap. As she reflects, Mindy is amazed at Scarlett’s bravery and how well she adjusted. “When I think about all the adjustments that everyone had to make, I think about how Scarlett was the most courageous person in the whole situation,” Mindy says. “She was coming into a stranger’s home. She didn’t know us at all.” To help Scarlett adjust, the Willhites were intentional about integrating Scarlett into their lives and routines. They adapted as needed to make sure she felt safe and comfortable.

Helping Scarlett Overcome Challenges

One key challenge in caring for Scarlett was communication, as she had a significant speech delay. “We worked really hard at finding ways that she could use sign language, and even that was challenging at times,” recalls Mindy. “When we finally got to the place where she could tell us that she needed to go to the bathroom, it was such a celebration, and such a joy to be able to know that we were understanding her and she was understanding us.”

Another challenge Scarlett struggled with at first was sleeping. Going to sleep in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar home puts a person in a vulnerable position, This made it difficult for Scarlett to feel comfortable. She needed Mindy right beside her to fall asleep. But in time Scarlett was able to take naps and sleep at night without needing Mindy by her side.

While these challenges were difficult to work through, the Willhites saw their time with Scarlett as a blessing. “One of the biggest gifts was the opportunity to love her and to be loved by her,” says Trent. “What a gift to see this little girl that we didn’t know come into our home with people that she didn’t know and settle in, becoming part of the family, was unbelievable.”

The Goal of Reunification

The goal for Scarlett was always to safely reunify with her biological mother. Trent and Mindy were so grateful for the support of Scarlett’s case worker, who helped them understand the steps toward reunification. Trent explains that from the start, Scarlett’s mother was open to them and developed a positive relationship with Mindy. Having everyone on the same team made the whole process so much smoother. “It was not without its challenges,” says Trent, “but it helped significantly that there were a lot of open lines of communication and knowing that everybody was headed towards the same goal.”

As the foster family, saying goodbye to a child they had grown to love and care for so deeply was difficult. When the time came for Scarlett to go home, Mindy and Trent both described the experience as bittersweet. There was heartache at saying goodbye to Scarlett, but also joy in knowing she was going to be reunified. “Trent and I were very intentional in wanting to honor Scarlett’s mother’s role in her life and recognize that no one can replace her parents,” says Mindy. “We stepped in for a time, but there is a special place that biological parents hold in their children’s hearts, as it should be.”

What’s Next for the Willhite Family?

The Willhites have been able to continue the strong relationship with Scarlett and her biological mom following reunification. “The opportunity to see her and continue to interact with her has been a real gift, and I recognize that’s not always the case. We feel really, really blessed that it is in this situation,” says Trent.

The Willhite family is settling into familiar routines now that Scarlett and her mom are reunified. However, they are open to caring for another child and feel hopeful their next experience will be just as positive. 

Considering Fostering a Child?

“The reality is that there are broken things about foster care that are very hard,” says Trent, “and yet there are also so many beautiful, full moments and experiences.” Mindy and Trent encourage anyone with the capacity and the heart to consider opening their home to foster care. Despite the painful moments there are also many happy ones that come in tandem. 

Mindy compares the journey of foster care to the journey of parenting any child, just on an often shorter timeline. Children in foster care come into the home for a season. Mindy says having that mindset of changing seasons in parenthood has helped her to fully embrace each season, including the time when Scarlett was with them.

If you are considering becoming a foster parent, Mindy encourages people to prepare in any way they can. “It’s so hard to know what to expect until you get your first placement,” she says. The Willhites also suggest becoming as trauma-informed as possible and leaning into all of the training, support and resources provided to foster parents.

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